The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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