I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
