I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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