I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I faked an abortion last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
