Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
