I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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