break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
