I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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