I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
