She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
