dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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