Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
