Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
