So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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