she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
