I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
