Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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