why didn't you poke me back
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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