My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
