Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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