this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
