they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
