the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
