margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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