I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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