i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
