you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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