you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
