Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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