when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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