we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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