I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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