You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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