He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
