the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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