Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
