The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
