OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
