I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize