Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
