I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
