All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
