I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
