just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
