My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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