I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
