How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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