I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
