Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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