i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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