Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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