Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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