haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
