Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
