This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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