Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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