I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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