i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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