Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
