We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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