Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
