The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The power of my boobs compel you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
