all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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