Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
