The maid of honor just puked.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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