I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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