My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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