I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
