Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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