Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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